Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Daily Dope:- Just Do it Yourself (DIY)


The though itself was cruel.. I need a gun was the first and last thought in my mind.. I was tired of this shit bothering me. All this happened one fine night when I was sneaking to smoke the last cigarette on my roof top. I quietly sneaked on my roof with a cigarette, a lighter, and a packet of Chutki (a local mouth freshener) to finish my last smoke of the day. It was late night around 2 am and I climbed the roof top for a better view (Don’t know what I was thinking...). As I climbed up the stairs and was just about to light the cigarette, I stepped on something which was kind of weird. Suddenly I see two athletic creatures running here and there; man I think I disturbed two mating monkeys on my roof top. The first thought was damn I haven’t done that ever on my roof top and these damn monkeys were having a complete nude session right on my terrace, below the stars, in the slightly cold breeze, romantically lit moon.


It did not end there; apparently I “disturbed” the monkeys in the act which pissed one monkey badly. He just stood there staring and slowly walking towards me and showing some hand gestures. Believe me it just seemed like a scene from some Hollywood cowboy flick. And before he could take out his gun and shoot me, I knew running was the only option I have; moreover my boxers and T-shirt would have hardly provided any shield to the “love bite” the monkey wanted to give me. I ran, closed the channel door, the monkey kept knocking on my heaven’s door... that’s when I decided I need a gun.. at least an Air gun.

My dad told me once that all the wars were fought for mainly 3 things Zar, Zoru, Zameen (Money, Women and Land) in this case, two entities fitted monkey’s point of view. I was ready for the fight for my own land and my shattered self respect (come on he was having more fun in my house than I did).
So confident me, went online and started looking for option to buy a gun to scare the shit out of these “mating monkeys on my rooftop”. Google turned out to be my best friend, opening the doors to wisdom, knowledge, and resources. It told me why buy a gun, buy a 3-D printer instead...you can produce/print your own guns!!!!!! This seemed to be an innovation, best after fire, tire.. and may be air conditioner. Now I needed to be faster than those highly athletic monkeys and get an aerial view to shoot the shit out of them. Again my best friend Google showed me Mashable, where I came to know that there are DIY (Do it yourself) airplanes being launched in the market.



Man I was so overjoyed that I forgot that I left the body of evidence right on the terrace, a cigarette. So I went up there tip toe and was surprised to see this monkey smoking cigarette. As he saw me he like a gentleman offer me a few puffs and told me (in human voice) that he was earlier a Pakistani Military personal who was sent on an operation to blow the Taj Mahal as a revenge against India ( they all have a drama story). While taking a puff, I asked him what was the revenge for to which he promptly replied.. “We have been cheated”. He further explained that on his visit to Taj Mahal president Musharraf (change name) bought a mini version of the Taj Mahal. The local shopkeeper promised that it was made of Marble, the same used in Taj Mahal (That dumb President really got cheated). In few days the colour faded and it turned out to be made of cow dung. Which was like shitting on the president face, hence operation “blow Taj”?
While passing the smoke I asked then how did u become a monkey and who was that other monkey you were humping? He replied that for one month their pit stop was Mumbai. Crossing the roads, dodging cars, buses, and train, when in rain and reaching on time for work outs turned them into literal monkeys. The other monkey was my right hand man and I was not humping him but training him how to be a complete Pakistani soldier on duty. ….though now I no longer serve for the army.
Before I could ask him anything he put his hand on my shoulder and said,, being monkey is simple I can fly and sometimes shoot ..For that you need internet huh…just do it yourself.. Clean the country the enemy lies within…remember what Mahatma and Bhagat Singh taught us.

1 comment:

your opinion doesn't count ..ya you read it right ..doesn't :)